Craving to Write

I wish I could write a book. Sit down, make a plan, come up with a resolution or some form of justification, and be happy with it. But every time I start this thinking process I am dumbfounded by my inability to consciously connect my thoughts to form a coherent point. I circle around this idea of what it would be like if "passion became a necessity" in our lives. We need to do what we love. 

When Passion Becomes Necessity. It's been 3 years and this idea is still stuck in my head. I don't know how to answer this question. OR to prove the point. I don't even fully know what it means to be passionate and what the real idea of necessity is. Over the next little while, as I look inward and read some books about our soul, about love, about ultimate passion for something... I hope I can find just something to bring me to the next stage. Maybe passion doesn't need to be a necessity. Maybe passion just needs to be active.

When passion is active. You see change. You see joy and love. You see people ready to make their day come alive. Their dreams and desires are fulfilled. But what about those who do not know their passion. That don't know what they are searching for. So many Christians end up putting up this idea that God will fill this need. I think that can be true, but really I think it is temporarily true. I think we focus on that initial experience that God has given us and we try to continue to match it. Most people are not in sync with God, but they are aware of his presence. God can help, I think, with the initial finding of what your passion is, but you will never know unless you try something. You have to be willing to give something a shot to see what you enjoy and what you don't. 

Try life and explore all that you can. My mind is filled with contradictions.

The Way to the Top is Treacherous!

I'm hiking up this mountain. I have been taking my time for the past few months... making sure that I don't tire out too quickly. I've been preserving my energy because I knew one day the time would come when I had to begin giving it all I could. THAT TIME has arrived.

I am still near the base of the mountain. I can feel the work piling up and the stress building, which will slow my whole body down. I hope I have worked myself out enough, and learned and grown up enough. I hope my strength has increased and my endurance is better. The first stretch of serious terrain is going to be a doozy.

I have been warming up, getting my mind in gear, creating a better atmosphere... Nothing is going to stop me anytime soon. Yes, this stretch will be tough, but I'm sure we will have many more difficult stretches to come.

I had meetings at Grandview last week. They went superbly! Discussed about things that were necessary and advancing things that are needed. I have now begun to be more greatly involved and integrated into some of the processes. I am hoping that I will be positively influential to promote change in the right direction.

I am certain at this moment that I am where I need to be. Doing what I need to be doing. Changing what needs to be changed. Speaking when needing to speak. Listening when needing to listen. AND Experiencing life the way I should be experiencing it.

Hurdle #1: Try and Get this ColdestNightOfTheYear event running through the minds of people at Grandview!

A wintery day??? I'll post!

Since, I've been back from Los Angeles...

I've been thinking.

I've been processing.

I've been yearning.

I've been attempting to learn.

I quit my job at American Eagle. I have moved on and glad of it... that place was beginning to wear me down. However, I miss seeing many of those wonderful people. I walked in on Boxing Day and was just so pleased to not have to fold clothing and sell product and work for 13 hours with a 15 minute break. I got to relax and chill!

My desire is to see the world change into something beautiful. Something filled with love and grace and compassion. Something not seen in a long time.

Recently, I've had frustrations... church frustrations. Should I be mentioning it? Probably not, but oh well! Why is it that church is so two-faced? At least most of them. Why are people so conniving? We want people to come in to our building and into our atmosphere when we are all so selfish about every little detail. Everyone needs to look good and needs to seem like they are great. This is what I get out church. A very conceded characteristic. How do we change this? How do we learn to move away from this?

I know church in a building tends to be run like a business. These business take on so many things that are wrong and incorrect of our view. We've brought in lists of rituals, decrees for proper behaviour and standards for appropriate clothing. We've become a "community" of people so concerned about the check-marks on the paper than how we act because we want to.

My plan... My idea... My desire... is to bring this mentality to an end. I'll start here and move forward, hopefully. Let's pray! Let's learn! Let's spend time growing in love! Let's start... NOW!

Writing Absence

It has been an incredibly long time since I wrote last. I've contemplated the idea of how great it would be to get back into the blog and have brushed it off on accounts that I don't have the will power to keep it up!

As of recently, however, I have found myself up really late at night attempting to conceptualize all off my thoughts and ponderings. I realized that there was no better way to collect them all than back on this blog. I hand-write WAY too slowly and I am usually on my laptop when I am at home! These thoughts also help me open my brain processes a little bit more. 

I have been wanting to get back into music and writing, but have been unable to really think and vocalize my thoughts and ideas... Here I can do it semi-"efficiently"! 

So here is the new attempt at my blog that I am hoping for!

nathizz

Complacency

We go around in a circle
never letting ourselves be changed
We figure this is circumstantial
"It's the circle of life"

When someone is changing it's shape
We fight back to stop it
To stop them from trying to escape
because "it's the circle of life"

As humans we can't let it go
stay in our boundaries and never progress
But why must we follow the same flow
Well "it's the circle of life"

The ring that we have assumed
is like a flower trying to bud
Our closed minds will never let it bloom
"It's the circle of life"

To be challenged is not a pressure
that we all try to experience
we flea from it thinking that pressure
is not in the circle of life

So why can't we just realize that it helps?
They make us think and contemplate
which will make us even yelp
"Why this circle of life?"

Pushing ourselves to grow deeper
and having a desire to push for the best
Nothing will come out of the sleeper
in this "circle of life"

So get up and move yourself around
Complacency is making this world stagnant
We need to push those who are found
to leave this "circle of life"

Then can we only start reaching
to a place that is higher than ours
Jumping and leaping and screeching
"No more of this Circle of life"

And finally we can struggle and fight through pain
Have ourselves be tested and never be the same
So that we can grow and change this circle saying
this circle we live in is no longer what we can blame!