These past few weeks have been me just stretching and warming up for what's to come in the future. Not knowing what lies ahead I've had to prepare myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Physically - endurance, strength, stability. Mentally - position, being. Emotionally - passions, memories. Spiritually - how far I'm willing to go. I've been preparing for a race, but this is a lone race. As much as a lone race can get when it's just you and God.
It's not a timed race, but measured in my hopeful progressive decreasing displacement to the end of the race. Me at the starting line and God at the finish line cheering me on and encouraging me that I can do it. Almost like a baby learning to walk with the parent coaching you through and helping with every step of the way. Or training a dog to "come" with the treat in your hand. This is the start of my journey.
1 year ago I never knew I'd be in this place. 4 months ago I never knew I'd be in this place. 1 month ago never knew I'd be in this place. Just this past Thursday night, a great chapter of my life was complete. The second year of a University of Guelph student who is currently majoring in Animal Biology. But this second year has been one of the greatest of my just about two decades on this planet - moreso, these past 4 months.
Winter 2006, as I look back I remember so much that has happened. Some great, some good, some fairly bad. But never the less, it came to an amazing close. So here are some of the plusses to this semester. I have friends... I know that's a shocker eh? but these don't seem to be ordinary friends, they are an amazing group of people that have joined together for one main reason alone. We all love God and will do anything he wants of us, or at least that's the feeling I get from them. We all can sense His calling on our lives and we'll put our own worldly hopes and dreams aside so that we can pursue what he wants of us. This was something major that I have come to terms with. I always knew about it, but never really understood it and lived it. I just wanna say that you guys "rock my mocc... asins!" - wonger
The only sad part about getting this amazing core group of friends though, is that everyone else that is 'near and dear' (as a lack of better "wordage" - syko) to me has almost left my life for a while. Like my friends in Brampton, great group of friends, but sometimes I just don't know. Because I've been gone for so many days and weeks and months I miss out on everything that is going on with these people. When things change and I don't know about them until 3 months after and they are like didn't you know this and that. I feel clueless and this weekend was a big reminder of it and that I need to start coming "home" (yes I called Brampton home - I know that's big jessiCa) more often and spending time with them.
This fall as I keep saying is going to be interesting, but I have to add on that this summer will be interesting as well. I don't know what to expect and who I'll meet, but something is telling me that a life changing summer is in order. Chills just ran through my body as I typed that. The big thing for me right now is my music. I'm constantly fiddling with my guitar now, whether I suck or not I just want to learn and absorb as much as I can on that instrument. As well as the piano. That's what I really want out of this summer. To gain an overwhelming amount of knowledge about music. It's past, present and future.
I've had many conversations with many people about many subjects and issues. It's overwhelming sometimes to think about how much we talk and discuss different aspects of life, our past and our thoughts and ideas. But through those hours and hours of talking and chatting away, I am beginning to see what great people God is shaping in my life and how much they are helping me whether they realize it or not.
Today in Brampton was like catch up day for me. Talking to a few people who I was really close with before but through uncontrollable circumstances, these contacts were almost out of my life. It was great talking to you guys for the time that I did today, and hopefully I can come back soon and see you guys again. Wendy's, maybe Timmie's again? Mmm timmies! Hearing some of your stories of what's happened to you in the past few months, has been really encouraging to hear the amount you guys and gals have grown in your relationship since the last time I've talked to you. I'm also so happy and so encouraged that you are still willing and wanting to know what is going on with me. Eventhough I haven't talked to some of you or seen some of you in so long, you still wanna hear my story and my life... a real blessing! I'm going to bed now, but I'll be finishing this up tomorrow afternoon after church.... wazoo!
Okay so I'm back now and it is actually Tuesday night, not Sunday, here is the second half of this post. After church I went to go see this dude named Nathan Gerber. I've known of this person for a while and I know that he's known of me as well, but we've never really talked and all of that ish. So, I went to go talk to him and he was telling how a friend of mine kept saying stuff about me wanting to be a Pastor and stuff. He continued with how that's really awesome and some other stuff and even though I had never talked to him before that day, he was already praying for me. I was in awe of how amazing that is to hear and feel. God works in such crazy ways. Like come on, he has had a few people praying for me before they even really knew who I was... like wow amazing!
Getting back on track with the race beginning... So many things have happened this semester that has really made me appreciate everything and really everyone around me. I'm truly blessed. These new friends of mine are so driven and want to get as close as they can to God. Some don't know how they are going to reach that level and others do, but to see the passion we all have of just growing in our walk, in our faith. Just makes me so happy for all of them and for myself.
The other thing is finally realizing how awesome God is. Through these situations with friends and my enemies or those I thought were my enemies. To hear them and say how thankful they are that we were able to talk and that this and that happened. Right now, I feel like I have no enemies. That might be a bad thing, but I know that whatever enemy comes my way I have support and those that will help me in my struggles and will pray for me. There are even those that don't know me and are praying too.
Okay so I've spent a lot of time with friends this semester. My good core group of christian friends... great fellowship great memories! I've grown so much because of them and I've learned from them. Their experiences and their thoughts and their ideas have entered my brain. questions asked and answers given. One Question I asked that sticks out of my head was asking a friend if she loves giving massages because she's always giving people massages whether they ask for it or not and her reply was "I like serving others" I was in awe because I've never heard that before. Like wow. You peeps are amazing.
Things have come to such a close so quickly and it's hard for me to adjust. I hate saying goodbye and I hate people leaving, especially like right now when I feel like some of our friendships are just starting, but now we have to wait for 4 more months until we can build more on these friendships. A lifetime of stories and experiences need to be put into realtionships so that we can grow into one another. I believe that no one is a good friend with someone if they don't know parts about the others past. Especially of the things you regret because man those are the killers of "what will they think of me if I told them I did that?" hopefully the response was and would be "They'd still love me for me. They know I'm not like that anymore or I wouldn't do that again. Sure they might be shocked/upset, but shock factor wears down and people forgive and go back to knowing that I am truly sorry for the things that I did."
Right now I'm listening to "None But Jesus" by Hillsong United and wow it's just making me think. Why'd God do it? Why is it that He loved us so much that he actually sent his son to die for me. Why? For me to hate saying bye to people I know this would be so hard. So difficult. To just let others kill my son, I couldn't do it. I ask myself now, if God wanted me to that for him, would I? I say I'm ready to give all that I am for God, but am I drawing the line somewhere. A place where I say "I'll do anything for you God, but just not this one thing. That I won't be able to give up for you"... I want to get to the place where no earthly possession matters. A house? meh! Clothes? meh! friends? meh! family? meh! my own life? meh!.... if it's what you Lord wants of me, then I'm willing to give it all and give it my best.
Okay so, it's 12:07am wednesday morning! I'm sitting in the UC of the UofG finishing this blog off, which doesn't seem to be ending! But I have to say that I miss you friends so much. I'm sitting in the Airport Lounge and I'm just looking around me. So many good times so many memories. The first time I have ever spoke with some of you up here and been given the opporunities to get to know some of you on a deeper level up here. I see the grey stairs and I remember that one day when I spent all day there, from 10am until like 8pm. Remembering the first time I went to CC office, College Royal, Pool, Free glasses at the Taps, laptop sharing, studying, getting stuff thrown at me, blogging up in the same spot I'm sitting in right now. So much from one tiny place in the world, it's incredible. Incredible to remember! I'm remembering it all. Sitting back and just watching how one building can carry so much for me.
I've learned plenty of things this year and here is a quick summary:
- relationships involve talking and not being afraid to show your real self
- friends come and go, but what they taught you and gave you in that time in place will remain constant
- people say forgive and forget, but we forgive... forgetting would be stupid because we'd do the same thing over and over again... stupidly
- having a lot of fun times with friends is awesome, but you need serious times to be able to care about the person
- situations can occur that may not be God honouring, but we must realize that no one is perfect and that we do fall and fail
- always be there for your friends. new or old you have to be there for them, they may need you for the tiniest of favours
- money in life means nothing because in the end you have none... "riches of kings end up in wills"
- God is always there and wanting to talk to you, but you need to make an effort to talk to him. if you want Him whole-heartedly then you'll have Him whole-heartedly
- we need to reflect on moments. Don't take everything naively and say that was fun, but think about what the purpose was and if God was really involved in that situation.
- get of fear as fast as possible because fear is hinderance and if you want God moving through, then you can't be scared of what the outcome will be because God is on your side
- whatever may come and whatever may go.... There is one who is by your side and don't you forget it
- Our God is a crazy God with crazy plans and a crazy way of making them work out
- All in his time. We can't plan things without pray and without God wanting them to happen. I have many examples of that.
- Find your passion and don't let others tear you down because it's something that they don't appreciate as much as you can
- Our past is what made us, we all came from different places different experiences, but those you know in life are known for a reason, don't let opportunities pass by to do what you feel is right and pure in God's eyes.
- open your hearts, open your ears, open your eyes, open your hands.... God is speaking. Now listen and don't get distracted.
- It gets harder to say sorry eveytime after the one before. Don't wait too long before too late has happened. The one you say sorry to may be more accepting than you may expect of them to be.
- Friends love, Enemies love, God loves.... which one are you hung over the most?
- Honesty in friendship is key, you want a friendship to grow... be honest and true to yourself and the other person as well.
- Lift eachother up... hurting someone's feeling is cool... cool is to do what everyone else is doing... so let's be uncool about things!!!!
I don't know how much of that seems like a repitive thing and I don't know how much of that you seem to know, but this is for me to remember what I've learned so I don't take a whole bunch of steps back.
Guelph (stolen from liz's post): You people that I've been able to get to know so much this past semester have blessed me with so much and have changed my life for the better. You've helped me and guided me through sometimes I had no clue what I was doing. You were always there, eventhough I was like why are you around to talk to me? You made me care about you and want the best to come out of all of your lives. You helped me find my passion and how I'm going to praise God for the rest of my life journey. For the ones that I knew before this past semester, I'm sorry if I hadn't made a big enough effort to be with you and get to know you better, for that I'm greatly sorry. I say that I want to be there for anyone that needs me for anything and I know I wasn't that type of person for many of you, but what is done is done and all I can say is now I'm wanting to let you know once again that I am here whenever and don't be afraid to ask.
Brampton: you highschool peeps are freakin' amazing. You make me laugh, make me confused, make me not want to leave brampton when I'm with you guys! as much as I don't like brampton sometimes, you make it all the more enjoyable. I'm sorry I haven't been around much this year and I'm going to be making the effort to come down and see you guys more often during the summer at least. You guys have been in my life for the longest time ever and I'm not going to just walk away from things. I've definitely realized that a few weekends ago. To those church friends, man I haven't seen some of you in ages almost over a year and some even longer, but I'm coming back for a visit for sure. We need to get coffee and just sit and chat. I wanna know how God has been moving through your lives and what he's doing in those around you.
Friends are so much to me and relationships are on of the most important things in life.... this started off being about how God has prepared me... if you haven't picked up on it. He has prepared me for my future with friends that I believe won't leave running. and will be there for me, praying and encouraging me. They are the crowd around me in this lone race. God is at the end and they are surrounding me. Everyone of you guys, It's been a hard year for me in so many ways, but you guys have helped pulled me through... So thanks.. Thanks so much. It means the world to me that you have wanted to get to know me... little me... the brown kid that tries to act as white as possible :P... but yes... Thank you... praying for you dudes and dudettes and I'm gonna miss seeing you and talking to you face to face over the summer, but that's the life of a university student... isn't it? Thanks God for giving me ADD that it's taken me so long to write all of this out. With no revision I'm publishing right now... l8s, latex and all that love stuff... I'm audi (outty)!
